Frequently Asked Questions
How do I pick my Maid of Honour/Bridesmaids?
They should be the people who are closest to you. Your Maid of Honour should be your very closest friend. Who are the first people you call when something bad or something exciting happens? These people should be your wedding party. You should NOT pick based on who you think will help you plan. Wedding planning is entirely up to you and your FI. If you can't handle it, hire a wedding planner.
What are a bridesmaid's duties?
Showing up for the ceremony, wearing the dress, while reasonably sober.
That's it? What about showers/bachelorette parties/etc.?
Those are gifts that people may or may not choose to give you. No one is required to throw parties for you. If no one chooses to, it sucks, but it means you don't get these parties. You're not entitled.
When should I ask my bridesmaids?
Once your wedding is less than a year away. Some recommend 6-8 months, but I think under the year mark is good.
Why should I wait that long?
So that you're not crying on the boards later about how your relationships have changed and now you want to kick someone out. (You can't. See next question.) Plus, there's nothing for them to do when the wedding is over a year away. The advantage to waiting is that your bridesmaids are far less likely to get burned out from your wedding.
Can I ask my bridesmaid to "step down"?/Can I "demote" my Maid of Honour?
No. Unless she has physically assaulted you, tried to sleep with your FI or set your wedding dress on fire, you can't fire her. It's a friendship-ending move.
But my situation is different.
No, it's not.
I have more/less attendants that my fiance. What do I do?
Nothing. Uneven sides are completely okay.
Do I have to ask his sister to be a bridesmaid?
No, your bridesmaids should be the people who are closest to you. If that doesn't include your FSIL, you don't have to include her. However, it's generally a nice gesture and it might be worth it to avoid family drama. Also, if it's really important to your fiance, he should consider asking her to stand up for him as a groomswoman. I think that the closeness of the relationship is far more important than gender. Plus, it looks great. Exhibit A:
They should be the people who are closest to you. Your Maid of Honour should be your very closest friend. Who are the first people you call when something bad or something exciting happens? These people should be your wedding party. You should NOT pick based on who you think will help you plan. Wedding planning is entirely up to you and your FI. If you can't handle it, hire a wedding planner.
What are a bridesmaid's duties?
Showing up for the ceremony, wearing the dress, while reasonably sober.
That's it? What about showers/bachelorette parties/etc.?
Those are gifts that people may or may not choose to give you. No one is required to throw parties for you. If no one chooses to, it sucks, but it means you don't get these parties. You're not entitled.
When should I ask my bridesmaids?
Once your wedding is less than a year away. Some recommend 6-8 months, but I think under the year mark is good.
Why should I wait that long?
So that you're not crying on the boards later about how your relationships have changed and now you want to kick someone out. (You can't. See next question.) Plus, there's nothing for them to do when the wedding is over a year away. The advantage to waiting is that your bridesmaids are far less likely to get burned out from your wedding.
Can I ask my bridesmaid to "step down"?/Can I "demote" my Maid of Honour?
No. Unless she has physically assaulted you, tried to sleep with your FI or set your wedding dress on fire, you can't fire her. It's a friendship-ending move.
But my situation is different.
No, it's not.
I have more/less attendants that my fiance. What do I do?
Nothing. Uneven sides are completely okay.
Do I have to ask his sister to be a bridesmaid?
No, your bridesmaids should be the people who are closest to you. If that doesn't include your FSIL, you don't have to include her. However, it's generally a nice gesture and it might be worth it to avoid family drama. Also, if it's really important to your fiance, he should consider asking her to stand up for him as a groomswoman. I think that the closeness of the relationship is far more important than gender. Plus, it looks great. Exhibit A:
It's really important to me that my brother/male friend is an attendant in our wedding, but he and my fiance aren't close, so my fiance feels weird asking him. What should I do?
Ask him to stand up as a bridesman! Mixed gender parties are becoming increasingly popular. Your wedding party should consist of the people who are closest to you, regardless of what they're hiding in their underwear. And it will look fine. Exhibit B:
Ask him to stand up as a bridesman! Mixed gender parties are becoming increasingly popular. Your wedding party should consist of the people who are closest to you, regardless of what they're hiding in their underwear. And it will look fine. Exhibit B:
What should I buy my bridesmaids?
Shop for them as friends first and bridesmaids second. What would you buy them if you were shopping for their birthdays? That's their present. Also, buying them jewelery, shoes or hair/make up for the day of the wedding is NOT a proper gift. That's for your wedding, not for them. And for the love of all you hold dear, don't buy them kitschy tote bags or anything that says "bridesmaid" on it. The only place that stuff belongs is in the trash.
Should I let my bridesmaids pick their own shoes?
Yes, yes, yes. You can specify a style and colour, but don't go beyond that. Especially don't specify a particular shoe. Nothing affects your comfort more than the shoes that you wear, and not everyone is comfortable in the same shoes. Asking your friends to buy shoes that they dislike and find uncomfortable is just cruel. Let them pick their own. No one will notice.
My bridesmaid dresses are brown! Should I put the guys in brown tuxes?
I'm not a fan. I think it looks dated. Plus, brown dresses with brown tuxes is A LOT of brown. I think a classic black tux with a brown tie and vest is best. Exhibit C:
Shop for them as friends first and bridesmaids second. What would you buy them if you were shopping for their birthdays? That's their present. Also, buying them jewelery, shoes or hair/make up for the day of the wedding is NOT a proper gift. That's for your wedding, not for them. And for the love of all you hold dear, don't buy them kitschy tote bags or anything that says "bridesmaid" on it. The only place that stuff belongs is in the trash.
Should I let my bridesmaids pick their own shoes?
Yes, yes, yes. You can specify a style and colour, but don't go beyond that. Especially don't specify a particular shoe. Nothing affects your comfort more than the shoes that you wear, and not everyone is comfortable in the same shoes. Asking your friends to buy shoes that they dislike and find uncomfortable is just cruel. Let them pick their own. No one will notice.
My bridesmaid dresses are brown! Should I put the guys in brown tuxes?
I'm not a fan. I think it looks dated. Plus, brown dresses with brown tuxes is A LOT of brown. I think a classic black tux with a brown tie and vest is best. Exhibit C:
I have someone close to me that I don't want to be in the wedding party for whatever reason. How can I include them?
You can ask them to do a reading, to be an usher, or to bear the gifts in a religious mass. You cannot ask them to be your bitch (AKA personal assistant), hand out programs or watch the guest book or any other lame chore. There is no honour in being asked to work for free at someone's wedding. And remember, it's an honour to be a guest too.
One of my friends expects to be a bridesmaid, but I'm not planning on asking her. How do I explain that she didn't make the cut?
You don't. That's an awkward, rude and unnecessary conversation that will only hurt feelings. You just don't ask her to be a bridesmaid. You should probably avoid talking about the wedding with her too because that might give her the impression that she will be. If she asks you (which is rude), just say "Oh, Amy, Lizzy and Suzie are my bridesmaids." She'll understand that that means she is not one.
Do all of my bridesmaids have to wear the same dress?
Nope, they're different girls with different bodies. One of the nicest things you could do would be to select a colour and length (you can also pick a fabric and designer if you want) and let your girls pick something they feel beautiful in! It looks awesome:
You can ask them to do a reading, to be an usher, or to bear the gifts in a religious mass. You cannot ask them to be your bitch (AKA personal assistant), hand out programs or watch the guest book or any other lame chore. There is no honour in being asked to work for free at someone's wedding. And remember, it's an honour to be a guest too.
One of my friends expects to be a bridesmaid, but I'm not planning on asking her. How do I explain that she didn't make the cut?
You don't. That's an awkward, rude and unnecessary conversation that will only hurt feelings. You just don't ask her to be a bridesmaid. You should probably avoid talking about the wedding with her too because that might give her the impression that she will be. If she asks you (which is rude), just say "Oh, Amy, Lizzy and Suzie are my bridesmaids." She'll understand that that means she is not one.
Do all of my bridesmaids have to wear the same dress?
Nope, they're different girls with different bodies. One of the nicest things you could do would be to select a colour and length (you can also pick a fabric and designer if you want) and let your girls pick something they feel beautiful in! It looks awesome:
Do all of my bridesmaids have to wear the exact same colour?
No way! Doing all the same colour can be lovely, but so can doing different shades of the same colour, different colours within a colour spectrum, or even different colours all together! Here are some gorgeous pictures to show you how amazing a colourful wedding party can look.
No way! Doing all the same colour can be lovely, but so can doing different shades of the same colour, different colours within a colour spectrum, or even different colours all together! Here are some gorgeous pictures to show you how amazing a colourful wedding party can look.
Why do your words have random u's in them?
Because I'm from Canada. Get used to it.
Because I'm from Canada. Get used to it.
